Toxic Positivity Isn’t Always Toxic

Toxic Positivity Isn’t Always Toxic: Reframing the Conversation

You’ve probably heard the term toxic positivity thrown around — the idea that always focusing on the positive and ignoring “negative” emotions is harmful. And while I absolutely agree that pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows 24/7 is unrealistic (and possibly unhelpful), I’d like to offer a slightly different take.

What if choosing to focus on the positive isn’t toxic… but powerful?

Reticular Activating System and Toxic Positivity

You see, our brains are constantly filtering the world around us. In fact, neuroscience tells us that we process millions of pieces of information every second. That’s where our Reticular Activating System (RAS) kicks in — it acts like a filter, letting in only the information that aligns with what we’re focused on.

Ever noticed that when you’re thinking about buying a red car, suddenly red cars are everywhere? That’s your RAS doing its thing.

Changing your focus

The same goes for your mindset. If you constantly focus on what could go wrong, your brain will filter the world to highlight danger, problems, and negative outcomes. But when you focus on possibility, opportunity, and solutions — guess what? That’s what you begin to notice more.

This doesn’t mean we deny grief, pain, frustration, or sadness. Those feelings are valid and necessary. Life is a beautiful, messy mix of highs and lows, and we can’t appreciate the magic without sometimes walking through the mud.

But we do have a choice.

We can choose to acknowledge the hard stuff without letting it become the only thing we see. We can process, learn, feel deeply — and then redirect our focus toward what we want to create.

That’s not toxic. That’s intentional.

Through my work as a coach, I often help people shift their thinking by using practical tools grounded in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP teaches us that the language we use — both internally and externally — directly shapes our experience. For example, swapping “I have to do this” with “I get to do this” sounds subtle, but it creates a completely different emotional response. Try it and see.

I’m not suggesting blind positivity. I’m advocating for conscious focus — knowing that your attention is powerful and learning to direct it in ways that serve your growth, wellbeing, and goals. It’s about taking logical steps, evaluating risks with clarity, and still choosing to believe that good things are possible.

So, maybe the real danger isn’t positivity — it’s defaulting to the belief that life is against us.

When you shift that belief, you start designing your reality with purpose. So what do you think? Is toxic positivity always toxic?

If you would like to explore this topic further with your team, visit my Speaker page to book me for your event.